I took this picture my junior year of college. A lot has changed since then, including how many buildings would be in this picture if I went to the same spot and shot it today (still mourning the old nashville over here, if you can’t tell..#RIP.) I went with a group of photo students to Jeremy Cowart’s studio at Cannery Ballroom, which was awesome. I think we listened to Jeremy and David Bean give a talk and took photos in their studio. As we were leaving I shot this with my film camera and later developed it and used it for a photo assignment on composition. It wasn’t something I thought much of, but it stayed in my photo binder for years.

Obviously I had no idea.. NO IDEA… what this image would one day mean to me. The foreshadowing it told. The milestone it would create. The memories it would hold…

Months later, I found myself working in this town *right across the street* from the Batman Building featured in this photo. At the time I thought it would be a temporary move, but it still wasn’t easy. I didn’t know a single soul, I was nervous, I felt like an underdog. I still remember the mixed reaction I got from some peers when I told them I got the internship. It felt like CMT made a mistake, and that soon enough they’d realize it. I remember talking to my dad about how I was unsure if I could do it and if I’d even like it there. He said why not give it a try, and that if it didn’t work out I could always come home.

Knowing I wasn’t absolutely stuck, if I found out it wasn’t for me, actually helped me gain courage to move forward. After deciding that, my mom and I went up the week before my internship and met the (amazing, life-saving) Alsup family who I stayed with that summer. We drove around downtown to see where CMT was and where I needed to park, etc. (lol… getting prepared and planning ahead has always helped me feel more confident.) 

I wonder sometimes what it is like to be God. To see us scheming, making exit strategies, planning for the worst, thinking so little of ourselves, being scared and brave all at once, so unsure of how good or bad something will pan out for us, pushing through fears. Meanwhile God has the WHOLE WORLD in his hands… He’s whispering “just trust me” amidst the noise we create. He’s blazing the trail of our dreams down for us and showing us he can be trusted through every bit of it if we’ll just loosen our grip on the reigns a little. Obviously, you know how that CMT story ended. It didn’t. It led me to Stevie, to friends, to work, to growth, to this city… to so very much.

When I look at this picture, I float back to a time of a lot of uncertainty. I had no clue that everything mentioned above was about to unfold for me, and I had a lot of questions… What would I do when I graduated? Where would I live? What job could I really get and enjoy? When would I meet my husband? What friends would I make? Where did I belong? Now years later, on the other side of all that, this photo now serves as a reminder of many, many *answered* prayers God has given me. It’s a testament to the faithfulness of God. It’s a wake up call to keep going, keep surrendering, keep pushing through fears. It presses into my heart the lesson I’m always learning – that God is always at work in my life, despite how lost I may feel. 

I’m faced with new questions today. Questions that seemingly are going unanswered. Questions that are hard to ask because the answer may not be easy, prayers that come in the form of tears, grief that feels unending, uncertainty that is a rollercoaster. But as I sit here in my home writing this, I look around and realize the answers are all around me, just how this photo I took held a lot of answers for me. I realize what God has provided me with, and how those provisions aren’t dead ends. They are blessings that are bridges. They lead to the next thing.

The path will probably (definitely) always look different than I envision. Just like it did my junior year of school, curious and clueless of what was next. But it will be all the more beautiful because it’s not something I’d ever predict. Here I am still thinking too small for myself, putting God in a box he cant fit in, and wanting to know the ground is solid before I take a step. But then I remember all the great things He has done. And I’m becoming more and more aware each day that God has placed the answers to my prayers all around me. In my home, in my husband, in my people, in my passions.

It makes me so happy that I have this photo to remember how far God has brought me! God is bigger than all our questions, all our doubts, all our fears. Which by the way, are okay to have and okay to ask. In the midst of asking and waiting though, I believe God can and wants us to know that he hears us and sees us and is working BIG TIME on our behalf. One day soon you may just be able to frame a little photo reminder of how far you’ve come too. Thankful today for God’s promises and I’m clinging to them in life’s current chaos.