I was watching the ultrasound screen as the baby moved all around. My mind was blown as she did flips, kicked her little limbs, and curled herself up. Yet when I looked down from the busy screen to my belly, I could see and feel absolutely none of it. Total stillness.
I told the sonographer how crazy it was to see the baby moving so much through the ultrasound, yet not be able to physically feel it at all. She smiled and said “Yes, they’re typically moving a lot at this stage, but you just can’t feel them yet.”
I continued to stare in amazement at the screen. She had just summed up our journey of trying to trust God throughout infertility.
You see, there have been so many times the past few years that I could honestly not see or feel God moving in our story. Failed IUIs, cycles where I didn’t ovulate, confusing doctor visits, huge medical bills, painful tests, surgery and procedures.
We prayed. We waited. And with human ears, we only heard silence. With human eyes, we only saw stillness. With human hearts, we couldn’t feel Him moving yet.
But while in the room, looking up at the ultrasound screen, I felt so aware in that moment how much God was and has always been there with us – as alive and active as the baby girl on screen. Loving us and clearing a path for us that only he could.
It didn’t matter that we couldn’t see or feel him moving then. What mattered is that we believed he was anyways. What matters still is that we keep on believing it today. He’s there, he cares, and he’s making a way for each of us.