“I just wanted to be good at something,” I told Stevie, crying and shaken up in the parking lot of the acupuncturist’s office last month.
When you’re dealing with infertility, when having a baby is the dream, there’s not much you won’t do to help your chances. And for this needle-fearing person, it was acupuncture. I had heard great things about it, amazing success stories, and since we’ve come to the end of any fertility treatments, for now, I thought this would be at least something I could try for my health, body, and getting pregnant.
So when it ended up being an awful experience and maybe not the best fit for me, the disappointment stung! I just wanted to feel progress somehow, I just wanted to be helpful in some way.
The very next day I was listening to a podcast, and someone said that although they believed God would provide for them, they treated that belief like it was their “Plan B”. 28 credit cards and $200,000 of debt later, they decided to fully trust God would provide. No more self-made, superficial safety nets using credit cards. They cut the cards up and have already made a $40,000 dent in their debt!
Their story got me thinking… “Are my actions reflecting that God is my Plan A or my Plan B?”
I thought about that for awhile, not going to a place of shame for the times I don’t get it right, but simply got curious. I thought about how that’s a question we could ask ourselves not just one time, but a hundred times, each and every day. “Daily bread” is just that. Leaning into His plan instead of my own, I realized, happens each little choice at a time. And even when we reach for control or have doubts, he’s still there – loving us & redeeming us, always.
It took getting stabbed with 20 little needles to remind me “when I am weak, then He is strong”. It took hearing a guy on a podcast to remind me that our faith is our biggest resource we have. It took feeling helpless to remember I’m tethered to an endless supply of Grace & Peace. It took this 2+ year journey to remind me that no matter what, we can trust God will provide. And whatever that looks like, we can be sure it was his Plan A all along.